Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. (Hint: they are small enough to fit inside)

Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!

Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

Q: How many med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!

Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10: One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

Q: How many strong does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115: One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

Q: How many people does it take to throw away a one Watt bulb?
A: Five: A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple...

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one: One to install the new bulb, and fifty to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.

Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!

Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One-third less than for a regular bulb.

Q: How many Jewish-American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to get a Tab, and one to call Daddy.

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and the other to assume the ladder.

Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who says it's dark?

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 50: One to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him.

Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.

Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.

Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.