A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?"
And the tourist guide says, "Yes. You can be sure there is no cannibals in Africa."
And the tourist says, "But there may be still some cannibals."
And the tourist guide says, "No, rest assured. We ate the last one last Monday."

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"
The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are FRIARS!"

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh dad, there's one."
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The laughing missionary said, "I just peed in their soup!"

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of there bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"
The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"
The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

These two cannibals kill a missionary. They argue for a while about how to divide him up, when finally, one of them says, "Okay. You start at the head and I'll start at the feet."
So they begin their tasty feast. After a while one of them says, "Hey, this is really great. I'm having a ball."
"Slow down!" cries the other cannibal "You're eating too fast!"

One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. There, people cost $2 but politicians cost $25. The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?"
The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?"

Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a large meal. "Your wife makes a delicious roast," one chief said.
"Thanks," his friend said, "I'm gonna miss her!"