80 Signs You Have A Drinking Problem:
1 You lose
arguments with inanimate objects.
2 You have to
hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the
3 Job interfering
with your drinking.
4 Your doctor
finds traces of blood in your alcohol
5 Career won't
progress beyond Senator from
6 The back of
your head keeps getting hit by the toilet
believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food
8 24 hours in a
day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think
9 Two hands and
just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking
10 "Norm!" is
what they say when you enter the bar.
11 When you can
focus better with one eye closed
12 The parking
lot seems to have moved while you were in the
13 Every woman
you see has an exact twin.
14 You wake up to
find Windows 95 installed on your
15 If you keep
asking your wife "where are the kids?", but you
don't really have a wife and you're talking to the
16 You fall off
17 You discover
in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have
18 Your twin sons
are named Barley and Hops.
19 Had "Spuds
McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red
20 Hey, 5 beers
has just as many calories as a burger, screw
21 Beer: it's not
just for breakfast anymore.
22 The glass
keeps missing your mouth.
23 Bill Clinton
starts to make sense.
24 When you go to
donate blood and they ask what proof?
25 Vampires get
woozy after bitting you.
26 The only
drinking problem is not having a drink right
27 At AA meeting
you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
28 Your idea of
cutting back is less seltzer.
29 When vomiting
becomes a relief.
30 Having a hard
time staying on the side walk - left, right,
31 You wake up in
the bedroom, your underwear is in the
32 Barney, that
dinosaur is damned funny!
33 You think,
Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine,
Alcohol, and Women.
34 Every night
you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more
35 Hi ocifer. I'm
not under the affluence of incohol.
36 Waking up with
a traffic cone between your legs.
37 No ocifer, I'm
not drunk... you're just sober...
38 Problem? I
Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No
39 If on a diet,
you cut back your food calories to allow for
40 Take me drunk,