What did I
married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
name was Always.
not true that married men live longer than single
men. It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can
be hard. In my case, it was almost
man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all -
money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a
beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What
happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found
Wife: Let's go
out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but
if you get home before I do, leave the hallway
many men does it take to open a beer? None. It
should be opened by the time she brings it to the
A man rushes into
his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up
your things! I just won the California lottery!'
Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or
cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so
long as you're out of the house by noon!'
will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street bald and still think they are
I haven't spoken
to my wife for 18 months--I don't like to interrupt
your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to
choose, would you go to lunch or to a
A man is
incomplete until he is married. After that, he is
A wife and her
husband were having a dinner party for all the
major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was
very excited about this and wanted everything to be
perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that
she didn't have any snails for this dinner party,
so she asked her husband to run down to the beach
with the bucket she was handing him to gather some
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket,
walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the
beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed
a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water
just a little further down the beach. He kept
thinking to himself 'Wouldn't it be great if she
would even just come down and talk to me.' He went
back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he
looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing
right over him. They got to talking, and she
invited him back to her place. They were at her
apartment a ways down the beach, and they started
messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he
was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and
exclaimed, 'Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!' He
gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast,
grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran
down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran
up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a
hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he
dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all
down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a
very angry wife standing in the door way wondering
where he's been all this time. He looked at the
snails all down the steps, then he looked at her,
then back at the snails and said: 'Come on guys,
we're almost there!'
a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman
around to hear him, is he still wrong?
After a few days,
the Lord called Adam to him, and said, 'It is time
for you and Eve to begin the process of populating
the Earth, so I want you to start by kissing Eve.'
Adam answered, 'Yes Lord, but what's a 'kiss'?' So
the Lord gave Adam a brief description and Adam
then took Eve by the hand, behind a nearby bush. A
few minutes later, Adam emerged, and said, 'Lord,
that was enjoyable.'
And the Lord replied, 'Yes, Adam, I thought you'd
enjoy that, and now I'd like you to caress Eve.'
And Adam said, 'Lord, what's a 'caress'?' So the
Lord gave Adam a brief description and Adam went
again behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes
later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, 'Lord,
that was even better than the kiss.'
And the Lord said, 'You've done well, Adam, and now
I want you to make love to Eve.' And Adam said,
'Lord, what's 'making love'?' So the Lord again
gave Adam directions, and Adam went to Eve, behind
the bush. But this time he reappeared in two
seconds... ..And Adam said, 'Lord, what's a