Things that sound Dirty on Halloween but
So...What'd you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few
5. I got the best piece from that house.
6. Quit screwing around on my porch!!!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're
8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO
9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth
10. I bobbed and bobbed, but I just couldn't get
my mouth around it!!!!
Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than
10. You are
guaranteed to get at least a little something in
9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go
back at it again.
8. The stranger you look, the easier it is to
7. You don't have to compliment the person who
gave it to you.
6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're
someone else, you already are.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine
4. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and
2. Less guilt the next morning from
1. If you don't get what you want at one place,
you can always go next door to get
I Need To Know, I Learned From 1980s Horror
fast-approaching Halloween season here are some
-When it appears
that you have killed the monster, *never* check to
see if it's really dead.
-If you find that
your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was
once a church that was used for black masses, had
previous inhabitants who went mad or committed
suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your
house -- move away immediately.
-Never read a
book of demon summoning aloud, even as a
-Do not search
the basement, especially if the power has just gone
-If your children
speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, or if they speak to you using
a voice which is other than their own, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the
long run. NOTE: It will probably take several
rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
-When you have
the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it
-As a general
rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
-Never stand in,
on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave,
tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other place of the
searching for something which caused a noise and
find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room
immediately if you value your life.*
start operating by themselves, move out.
-Do not take
*anything* from the dead.
-If you find a
town which looks deserted, it's probably for a
reason. Take the hint and stay away.
-Don't fool with
recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you are doing.
running from the monster, expect to trip or fall
down at least twice, more if you are of the female
persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that
you are running and the monster is merely shambling
along,it's still moving fast enough to catch up
companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing,
fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
hairiness,and so on, get away from them as fast as
-Stay away from
certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in
-If your car runs
out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for
strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives,
combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering
irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased