Q. What did Santa
say to the three blondes?
A. Ho! Ho! Ho!
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil
A. He sold his soul to Santa
Q. Why are
women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at
Christmas time ?
A. Because they were originally made for children
but the father wants to play with them.
What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the
male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A. They go into to town and blow a few bucks.
Q. Why doesn't
Santa have any children ?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he
does, it's down the chimney.
What do blacks and Christmas trees have in common
A. They both have colored balls.
Q. How are a
Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
A. They both have ornamental balls.
What's the difference between snow men and snow
Q. Why do people
make snow men instead of snow women?
A. Because it takes too long to hollow out the
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
A. Because the snowblower was coming down the
Q. Why do
Mexicans eat Tamales at Christmas?
A. So they'll have something to unwrap!
woman walks into a tatoo shop and asks for a tatoo
of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a
cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo
artist say thats an unusual request. why do you
want two tatoos there? So she says because my
husband needs to eat between christmas and new
It seems Santas'
little workers weren't cranking out enough toys for
the upcoming Christmas run so Santa had to get them
some help. He called up Jack and Jill and since
they weren't doing anything they agreed to help
out. They got along good with the elves and worked
really hard. It wasn't long before they had more
than enough toys made and Santa didn't need to keep
both Jack and Jill working for him so he didn't
know what to do....Lay Jill or Jack off.
little girl is in line to see Santa When it's her
turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,
"What would you like Santa to bring you for
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I.
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and
says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No", says the little girl. "She comes with G.I.
Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
Three men die in
a car accident Christmas eve.They all find
themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter
Heaven.On entering they must present something
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some
mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker , so he is also
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture , St. Peter asks "how
do these represent Christmas?"
Answer "they're Carol's."
time Santa Claus was out deliverng presents on
Christmas morning, when he came to the house of a
beautiful young woman. He slid down the chimney,
and there she was waiting for him in her best
"Merry Christmas, my dear," he said, "have you been
a good girl all year?"
"I certainly have!" she replied. So he put all her
presents under the tree and said "Well, see you
"But Santa," she said, "won't you stay with me for
a little while?"
"That's very sweet of you dear," said Santa Clause,
"but I've got alot of present's to deliver and I
really have to be going."
"But Santa," she said, "I've been waiting for you
"Oh no, no, no," said Santa Clause, "there's lot's
to be done by morning, and what would Mrs.Clause
"But Santa," she said slipping out of her robe,
"just this once?"
"Oh all right," he said, "I'll never make it back
up the chimney now anyway."
A Sunday School
teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his
students might be a little confused about Jesus
because of the Christmas season emphasis on His
He wanted to make sure they understood that the
birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he
grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted
out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the
teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was
completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits and asked Little
Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my
father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and
yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in