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christmas

Q. What did Santa say to the three blondes?
A. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
A. He sold his soul to Santa

Q. Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
A. Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

Q. What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A. They go into to town and blow a few bucks.

Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

Q. What do blacks and Christmas trees have in common ?
A. They both have colored balls.

Q. How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
A. They both have ornamental balls.

Q. What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
A. Snowballs

Q. Why do people make snow men instead of snow women?
A. Because it takes too long to hollow out the head!

Q. Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
A. Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

Q. Why do Mexicans eat Tamales at Christmas?
A. So they'll have something to unwrap!

This woman walks into a tatoo shop and asks for a tatoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. why do you want two tatoos there? So she says because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years.

It seems Santas' little workers weren't cranking out enough toys for the upcoming Christmas run so Santa had to get them some help. He called up Jack and Jill and since they weren't doing anything they agreed to help out. They got along good with the elves and worked really hard. It wasn't long before they had more than enough toys made and Santa didn't need to keep both Jack and Jill working for him so he didn't know what to do....Lay Jill or Jack off.

A little girl is in line to see Santa When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas"?
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe".
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No", says the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

Three men die in a car accident Christmas eve.They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven.On entering they must present something Christmassy.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker , so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture , St. Peter asks "how do these represent Christmas?"
Answer "they're Carol's."

One time Santa Claus was out deliverng presents on Christmas morning, when he came to the house of a beautiful young woman. He slid down the chimney, and there she was waiting for him in her best bathrobe.
"Merry Christmas, my dear," he said, "have you been a good girl all year?"
"I certainly have!" she replied. So he put all her presents under the tree and said "Well, see you next year!"
"But Santa," she said, "won't you stay with me for a little while?"
"That's very sweet of you dear," said Santa Clause, "but I've got alot of present's to deliver and I really have to be going."
"But Santa," she said, "I've been waiting for you all year..."
"Oh no, no, no," said Santa Clause, "there's lot's to be done by morning, and what would Mrs.Clause say?"
"But Santa," she said slipping out of her robe, "just this once?"
"Oh all right," he said, "I'll never make it back up the chimney now anyway."

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

 

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